Holyshit

I could have just won Fear Factor

Fun Fact: My family owns a psychotic cat named Stalin.

Stalin didn't get his name as just a joke, either. It was a name he earned through many brutal beat downs of other cats (and dogs) and the killings of many feral animals, including a juvenile turkey vulture.

Stalin is an abnormally large, tuxedo Hemingway cat with a bad attitude. This makes him a temperamental, large cat with a minimum of seven claws on each foot. Stalin is kept as an outdoor cat, and I know that's frowned upon in the responsible cat world... but quite frankly we're scared of him. When left inside he makes a habit of severely injuring the other cats (after one incident, Schrodinger needed an overnight stay at the vet and several stitches), breaking into the cupboards, and vandalizing all our food. Once, we had a neighbor call and complain that Stalin had been breaking into their house (through their dog door), was beating up their two dogs, and then stealing their dog's food. Every time we think this cat has finally mellowed out to a degree, he does something like... take out a young turkey vulture. Long and short... this cat is a BAMF. Bad. Ass. Mother. Fucker.

And tonight he got into the house.

This wouldn't have been a big deal usually, just open the door and he runs out. But My cat, Gimpy, is unfortunately uninitiated to the horrors of Stalin. Personally, I'd like to keep it that way. I worry that any confrontation Gimpy has with Stalin would be her last (or at the very least she'd lose another leg.) So Gimpy was hissing at Stalin, and Stalin was on the offensive right back at her, and I had the adventure of carrying a large lump of pure muscle, spitting and hissing, clawed terror, across the kitchen and back outside. There were a couple of very close calls, but I escaped this task without major injury. 

I could have easily lost a hand.

So come on, you Fear Factor pussies! D8<< You think that laying in a tank of worms or eating a stick roasted deer-dick is scary*?! Come over and play with Stalin. He will show you true fear.

*I've only seen one episode of Fear Factor in my life and these were two of the challenges. I'm pretty sure the other episodes are similar, if not the same.
artsy heartless

(no subject)

I like how there is no proof of any of my productivity because scanning images has turned into a  multi-step clusterfuck of Do Not Want (unless I take piles of stuff to work to scan and that just feels awkward.) I'm hoping that my new laptop (its coming in tomorrow!) will ease the clusterfuck pain. Currently, the Process goes a little something like this.

1. Yay! I finished something! Time to scan... .... Eh... maybe later.
2. Fuck, it's later. Okay... go to the main computer. Is it... yeah, it's vomiting linnux blood. Restart.
3. Restarted, now lets see if it'll recognize the scanner. HOLY SHIT IT WILL. SCAN, SCAN YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! D8<<<
4. DX Why'd you only scan half the image?! The full thing is on the... whatever. Scan again. This time try it without sucking.
5: Fine. Good enough. I'll mess with it on my laptop. Here you go laptop... here's the ima- ... ... .__. ... You've frozen, haven't you? Yeah, you're frozen...
6. Restart laptop about three times before it's feeling well enough to accept new information.
7. Okay, now lets see if I can make this image look anything like what it's supposed to after the scanner butchered it. Don't panic, laptop. I won't do much.
8. I give up. This is as good as it's going to get. =__= Here you go, internet.

And that's an hour of my life I will never get back.

Started on Generation 4 of the Pokemon ACEOs yesterday, and I had to put all the cards in a bigger binder again. It's getting so close. D8>

Work on Castle is at a stand-still again, as I need to go to the store to get more nibs for my dip pens and I always seem to realize this on Sunday, when the art store is closed. ;;;

I'm also playing around with some new badge ideas and I'd like some volunteers. DO NOT volunteer for both of these. One per customer.

1.) Pokemon Trainer Badges (3-5 volunteers, please):

Pretty much says it all. Your chatactrer as a pokemon trainer, with a pokemon of choice. I need a reference image of you, what pokemon you would like to be in the badge with, and any other information you'd like to give.

2.) Skeleton Badges (3-5 volunteers, Please):

A double sided badge. One side will be an image of your character, and the other side will be an x-ray image of your character, showing their skeleton. The skeleton of your character will be glazed over in the glow-in-the-dark paint. I will need a reference image of your character (Feral animals ONLY, please), and some if your likes.

Remember: Don't expect to see these until my scanner troubles have been resolved.
blow pop by Mahrkale

(no subject)

Apparently, Optimus Prime can travel light-years through space, battle a legion of evil robots almost single-handed, lead a rebellion of good robots to protect the human race, but wires hanging off a crane in a Chicago construction site are REAL ass-kickers.
head smack

(no subject)

Okay, so this morning I was waiting in the doctor's office and the long story short is that I ended up pulling out my phone and googling myself (always a bad idea.) I did this mainly to get to my FA page quickly but I found something that I did not like one bit.

It was a buyer beware post that someone wrote about me. Now, it was written up back in 2008 so I guess this one complaint hasn't really done anything bad to my reputation, but it bugged the crap out of me. And it is still kind of irking me.

First off, I want to be clear about what this customer was complaining about. I did not run off with their money without completing the work.  I did not keep them uninformed about the progress of their commission. I did, however, take over two months to finish it. The person who complained said that they would have understood if something came up (as I remember, I was in my senior year of college at the time of this commission and I was busy trying to graduate) but they were upset that I never revealed what was so important that I didn't give their commission highest priority. When I got a sketch to them, they were upset that it was such a rough sketch.

Yanno... yes. It takes me forever to get through a commission queue and I really apologize for that. That's part of why I recently made a decision not to take any more commissions and only take a limited number at cons in the future. I don't need the commissions to survive and lately they've just been stressing me out. But anyway, part of this is my fault. I almost always tell people that I'll get to their commission faster than I can actually get to it. At the time, I really feel like "Yeah, I can totally fit this into my schedule and get my entire queue done in no time!" and then a month later my queue is untouched and I'm already stretched thinner than plastic wrap. But I DO keep in touch with the commission contacts and I've never just run off with someone's money without finishing the work. If I can't finish it, I'm happy to give a refund on what they paid for it.

I dunno. u.u;; I feel like if I had done something really out of line like...run off with your money, never get back with you, insult you... then yeah... thrash my name up and down. I deserve it then. I just don't feel like THIS review on my commission conduct was warranted.
artsy heartless

(no subject)

Woah, it's been forever and a day since I last posted on here.

So I guess... progress?

The Four My Little Ponies of the Apocalypse are going to have to wait until next weekend. I was going to work on them this weekend, but the my little pony hair I ordered didn't come in. ;.; Sadness... so I guess next weekend there will be progress on them. My favorite is still Pestilence pony, followed by War pony. Death and Famine tie for third place... Maybe I'll feel differently once they're all done. 

Commissions... Bawwww. I'm going to finish up this batch, and then close down for a while (unless it's an idea I really like or something.) Now that I have the new job, I don't really need to rely on commission work anymore. I think at future cons I'll have a set number of slots and nothing more. :/ I'd rather just work on my own things, and I think I'll improve more that way.

And speaking of my own things, It's a struggle just to balance Castle with this new job (not to mention the dogs.) o.O Further proof I don't need the extra commission stuff to stress me out. XD Anyway, I'm in the process of trying to make Castle fun again; to the point where I really WANT to work on it.

All other things are going well. I love my new job, the dogs are all doing well... even Axel, who lost part of his left ear in a bizarre Mike Tyson incident the other day. ;;; He's not as symmetrical as he was a week ago, but he's being a trooper about it and wants the world to shut up about the ear and THROW THE DAMN BALL ALREADY.

Now.... to clean ALL the things!!
moneyshot!

(no subject)

Now it's time to play everyone's favorite game... IS IT RACIST!? 8D



And the answer is yes. Yes it is.

So earlier today I was depressed for no reason what-so-ever. I was on the way to the grocery store with my mother so I could buy ingredients to bake muffins to channel the depressed energy... and en route there was this garage sale. I didn't want to, but my mom thought she saw a table she liked so we stopped. I was casually looking through things hoping to find a mohair stuffed animal with a button in it's ear marked "free", when instead I found.... well... the bobble head pictured above, marked for 25 cents. I... I couldn't help it. o__o I bought it.

But in my defense, this thing is OLD and the Antiques Roadshow assures me that things like this are actually worth a lot of money BECAUSE of how politically incorrect they are.

And it's okay, I'm aware that I'm going to Hell. I've made peace with it.
happy run

Doggie adventure time! 8D

Alright. So there is this red husky with a pink collar that I always see roaming the neighborhood. The dog has tags, so every time I see it out of it's yard I try to call it over to I can get it back where it belongs. Unfortunately, she never comes to me. In fact she barely ever acknowledges me during my many attempts to corral her and get her home. Since I don't know her name, we'll call her "Red" for the sake of argument.

This morning, I spotted Red out in the front yard. I opened the front door and called to see if I could get her... and for once Red perks up and begins trotting over to me like a good girl. :3 I was very happy that I was FINALLY going to get to read her tags and found out where this damn dog lived... but I was a moron in that I forgot that MY three herding dogs were in the house, and apparently right behind me.

Next thing I know, I was on the floor and my three kids had ambushed poor Red. Red was sitting shocked on the front porch while Axel, Karma, and Roo circled around her sniffing. After a few seconds, everyone seemed calm so I got up to herd all four dogs into the house. I have no idea why I thought I could accomplish this task easily. I must have had a brain aneurysm or something.

Once I was about arms length from the pack, Karma decided to teach Red a lesson about wandering the neighborhood without a human, and took off chasing the poor husky back up the street. Now... Karma is a cardigan corgi closing in on her tenth year on this planet, but despite her short legs and senior status... she can MOVE when she wants to. She's also the ultimate alpha bitch and all my other dogs know this far too well. You do NOT fuck with Karma because she will eat your face. It's part of then reason I have her now.

When Karma went off, it was inevitable that Roo and Axel would get caught up in the excitement and they joined in on the herding of Red back from whence she came. I just sort of stood there dumbfounded. I called for my guys to come back, and only Axel paused for a moment to look back before catching up with Roo and Karma. It was as if he was saying "Don't  worry mom, we've got this."

I'd like this moment to ponder why it is that during agility or rally trials, or even at the park, I have the well behaved dogs that everyone wants... but the moment that a practical application to their training comes into play (like say, a simple recall to get them to stop chasing a husky) they forget everything and frolic away without a care in the world. I know they're excited and their adrenaline is pumping and by that point, I'm sure they were in "herd!" mode and it's very hard to get a dog to drop instinct in favor of learned behaviors.... but dammit, dogs. D8<

I slipped some shoes on and grabbed leashes before taking off after the dogs. My pack had successfully herded Red half a block up and one block down to a yard with the gate wide open. None of my dogs entered the yard, but they stood at the open gate and stared in with an impressive resolve. Red was in the yard,  circling and staring at my dogs with a look that suggested absolute horror that the insane herders NOW KNEW WHERE SHE LIVED. I managed to calm Red down enough to red her tags and confirm that yes, she had indeed run back to the address listed on her tag. I closed the gate, leashed my dogs, and headed back home. All herders seemed very pleased with themselves.

Mission accomplished: all dogs check in.
Happy bones not cropped

(no subject)

So, I finally painted the walls in my room... and not until I stepped back to admire my work did I realize that my walls are now the EXACT color of green tea mochi and the accent wall is the color of frozen coffee.

I just know that one night I'm going to be sleep-walking and I'll start licking the walls. I mean... it's hot out and the walls look so refreshing! I want to lick them right now! HOLY SHIT! The snozberries taste like snozberries!! 8D
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Holyshit

Roo is short for Roo Roo, of course.

Roo has learned how to open the back door to let himself in. Like the raptors in Jurassic Park... he has become AWARE.

It was funny the first time it happened. Because it was all like this:

Roo: *sees me through the window and begins to freak out. He was literally throwing his body against the glass in an attempt to get to me, and at one point, he accidentally pulled the handle on the door down and it opened* ... ... ... O___O *and you could totally see him mentally putting the pieces together*
Me: D8> No! Bad Aussie! D8< Stop thinking! *shuts the door again*
Roo: o__o ... ... 9.9... ... :3 *opens it again*
Me: D8>>> Nooooooooo.... *closes*
Roo: 83~~~ *opens!*
Me: D8>>>> Oh gods no.... *closes*
Roo: 8D~ *opens* MAMA!!!
*races in like a moose on acid*

So I imagine any day now, Roo will sprout opposable thumbs and begin making tools. With some of the things he's figured out lately, I find myself tempted to give him a rubix cube as a toy in his crate and see if maybe he'll have it solved by morning... though I'm scared to encourage him. I mean... what if he decides to use his powers for evil? At this rate I'm sure Roo will have a firm grasp on calculus by September and he'll be lecturing on physics by spring semester 2012. Not bad for a dog that looks like this when he sleeps: